I got a message on Friday from a fellow photographer that a family was in need of a photo shoot for the project I am part of The Gold Hope Project. I was excited for the opportunity on one hand, on the other my heart upset a little at the thought of another child with this dreaded disease. I spoke with his cousin on Friday, you see Jordan is 4 and has been battling leukemia most of his little life. He was supposed to get a bone marrow transplant but his mother was told last month that his marrow is 100 percent infected with his cancer. As an RN I know that means no transplant and that means not much time. We spoke quickly as I could feel the urgency in her message, I reached out to Jordan's mom and we had moved forward with plans to do his session this week.
As a mom, as a nurse, as someone deeply affected by others suffering I have never been able to wrap my head around the suffering people must go through in life, as part of life. A broken arm, bad eyesight, those are things easily corrected but the diseases now that truly take away everything about living and life, including the ultimate price life itself, I can't understand. I don't want to understand a world where children are cold, hungry, harmed, and ill. As a nurse I try to better the people I am around so that I at least feel like I am combating some of that ugliness. As a mom, grandma I do the best with what I have to give back so that they don't do without in hard times. As a photographer I try my best to deliver my best at that moment, to capture those times that are so fleeting but so momentous to a parent, a loved one.
Our photography community just went through a harsh loss with Jen Burgess Thompson, those of us who didn't know her personally either followed her work already or began following her journey with Cancer. She has two small boys who are now left without having what others have seen by this video, an incredibly amazing, fighting woman. The world needs more people like Jen, not less, the world has lost a true treasure.
I went for a drive today for a project I am working on and the leaves are changing from shades of green to yellows and reds. The sun kissed my face as I drove around the lake, the wind blew my hair and I felt a sense of freedom. One of the pictures I took today is here, this flower that was still fighting to stay in bloom. Much like these kids and patients who fight this awful disease, fighting to keep the colors of their lives blooming and swaying. I stood for awhile at the lake thinking of things in my own life, nothing like cancer, just things I wish I had ways to change to turn and make better for the ones around me. I thought about Jordan as I was standing there next to a playground at the lake. A place I had been as a child so many times, a place I took my own children to learn to swim in the summers, to camp and roast marshmallows. Jordan was in a hospital fighting for his life, it's so unfair and so incredibly sad.
I came back to upload my images from the day and upon opening Facebook I was left this hallowing message from his cousin....
Alisha, I first want to say, thank you for trying to make this a special occasion for Jordan.
I appreciate all you do for children with cancer. I don't have many words right now, but
Jordan lost his battle with cancer this morning.
My heart broke, it is still breaking for Jordan, for his mom, his family. The things in life he will never get to experience, times at the lake roasting marshmallows with his family by the fire, snuggled up in bed with his mom reading bedtime stories and chasing away the boogie man in the closet. He will never have a prom, rent a tux with his dad, learn to shave. He won't have a first kiss from that pretty little girl in class he always had a crush on. He won't get to graduate high school or go to college. He will never stand at the end of a church aisle waiting on his lovely bride or groom to be, waiting to start their forever. He won't get to watch his own child come into this world and share all those hopes and dreams his own parents had for him and saw him fulfill. His forever is no more.
If you read this, if this reaches you somehow and you can do something, anything for these kids, these families, do. If you sew, make some animals for them to snuggle with. If you paint, go to your local hospital and paint with the kids. If you bake, take a family a warm meal, let them know that someone is thinking outside of themselves. If you are a photographer, join a Project like The Gold Hope Project and leave these families with something tangible for them to hold on to on the days and nights when their forever is gone.
If there was ever a reason to do something....anything...it's Jordan. I may not have got to know you, Jordan, but you've made an indention on my heart, on my soul. From the depths of my soul I am SO incredibly sorry for your suffering and that you won't get your forever.
Here is Jordan..... TEAM JORDAN
until we click again
~Alisha
Sometimes in this world there are things that happen to you, that you witness that stain your soul. Not only am I a Photographer, I am an RN. One day I walked into a patients room and on the wall were about 15 snapshots from various trips, backyard cookouts, and one Studio image from what looked to be Cruise ship. As I looked over the images I saw a very happy man and woman and it brought a smile to my heart, but a tear to my soul because the woman in the image was my patient. Her husband came in and saw me looking at the pictures and he shared something with me, he said that he had tons of friends who were their age, over 40, who had worked all their lives, scrimped, saved for their retirement for the "One Day" trips. He and his wife had decided that when they had the extra money they were going to take trips, they were going to enjoy time together doing the things they enjoyed. He shared each image with me and what they were doing, some amazing memories they had. Then he turned to me knowing his wife would never be able to do those things again, he said, "Alisha, I don't regret, I can honestly say that there isn't a moment I regret with that woman, we have lived." All our friends, if something like this happened to them they would have nothing but banks with money, working nonstop, no vacations, no time together, no stolen moments, and they will have regrets. It stained my soul......
My best friend Andrea was diagnosed and has had to go through Radiation, round after round (nearly a year and a half non-stop) of Chemotherapy. At one point the Oncologist told her to just give up, get her house in order and say her goodbyes....this ABSOLUTELY stained my soul.... She did find a new Oncologist and has since went on to more Chemotherapy and treatments but she has not given up, neither have I.
Introduce a group of Photographers to me on Facebook, F Stop Frenzy, the brain child of Morgan Kervin and Rachel Brenke. In that I met them and also someone who again would stain my soul, Cynthia Dawson. Cynthia's oldest daughter, Ava, was diagnosed and has recently been profoundly effected by DIPG, Diffused Intrinsic Pontine Glimoa (DIPG). This is the rarest but most deadly brain tumor in children. I can't in my mother's heart wrap my mind or soul around sitting and hearing that about one of my children. As an RN I have listened at the bedside as Drs. deliver devastating news, I have comforted the patients and families after the news, but one of my own children, no. My heart and soul aches for Cynthia, for all families facing these devastating diseases.
Morgan came across one day, as she has had her own soul staining moment, and said that she was starting a Project, The Gold Hope Project, Photographers using their gift to reach out to children and families effected by childhood Cancers. This spoke to my soul and I immediately wanted to be part of this in any aspect I could.
We are gifting GOLD HOPE SESSIONS to families/children effected by childhood Cancers, we are Photographers from all over the world reaching out to those who are Amazing Fighters and families. I feel incredibly blessed to be part of this amazing group of Photographers and seeing Morgan's dream come alive. An amazing woman, and amazing Project!
If you or a family you know is effected by Childhood Cancer, send them to The Gold Hope Project Facebook or Website and have them Sign up so we can get tangible memories into their hands and make them feel as special as they make those around them feel!
Until we Click Again,
~Alisha
