I got a message on Friday from a fellow photographer that a family was in need of a photo shoot for the project I am part of The Gold Hope Project. I was excited for the opportunity on one hand, on the other my heart upset a little at the thought of another child with this dreaded disease. I spoke with his cousin on Friday, you see Jordan is 4 and has been battling leukemia most of his little life. He was supposed to get a bone marrow transplant but his mother was told last month that his marrow is 100 percent infected with his cancer. As an RN I know that means no transplant and that means not much time. We spoke quickly as I could feel the urgency in her message, I reached out to Jordan's mom and we had moved forward with plans to do his session this week.
As a mom, as a nurse, as someone deeply affected by others suffering I have never been able to wrap my head around the suffering people must go through in life, as part of life. A broken arm, bad eyesight, those are things easily corrected but the diseases now that truly take away everything about living and life, including the ultimate price life itself, I can't understand. I don't want to understand a world where children are cold, hungry, harmed, and ill. As a nurse I try to better the people I am around so that I at least feel like I am combating some of that ugliness. As a mom, grandma I do the best with what I have to give back so that they don't do without in hard times. As a photographer I try my best to deliver my best at that moment, to capture those times that are so fleeting but so momentous to a parent, a loved one.
Our photography community just went through a harsh loss with Jen Burgess Thompson, those of us who didn't know her personally either followed her work already or began following her journey with Cancer. She has two small boys who are now left without having what others have seen by this video, an incredibly amazing, fighting woman. The world needs more people like Jen, not less, the world has lost a true treasure.
I went for a drive today for a project I am working on and the leaves are changing from shades of green to yellows and reds. The sun kissed my face as I drove around the lake, the wind blew my hair and I felt a sense of freedom. One of the pictures I took today is here, this flower that was still fighting to stay in bloom. Much like these kids and patients who fight this awful disease, fighting to keep the colors of their lives blooming and swaying. I stood for awhile at the lake thinking of things in my own life, nothing like cancer, just things I wish I had ways to change to turn and make better for the ones around me. I thought about Jordan as I was standing there next to a playground at the lake. A place I had been as a child so many times, a place I took my own children to learn to swim in the summers, to camp and roast marshmallows. Jordan was in a hospital fighting for his life, it's so unfair and so incredibly sad.
I came back to upload my images from the day and upon opening Facebook I was left this hallowing message from his cousin....
Alisha, I first want to say, thank you for trying to make this a special occasion for Jordan.
I appreciate all you do for children with cancer. I don't have many words right now, but
Jordan lost his battle with cancer this morning.
My heart broke, it is still breaking for Jordan, for his mom, his family. The things in life he will never get to experience, times at the lake roasting marshmallows with his family by the fire, snuggled up in bed with his mom reading bedtime stories and chasing away the boogie man in the closet. He will never have a prom, rent a tux with his dad, learn to shave. He won't have a first kiss from that pretty little girl in class he always had a crush on. He won't get to graduate high school or go to college. He will never stand at the end of a church aisle waiting on his lovely bride or groom to be, waiting to start their forever. He won't get to watch his own child come into this world and share all those hopes and dreams his own parents had for him and saw him fulfill. His forever is no more.
If you read this, if this reaches you somehow and you can do something, anything for these kids, these families, do. If you sew, make some animals for them to snuggle with. If you paint, go to your local hospital and paint with the kids. If you bake, take a family a warm meal, let them know that someone is thinking outside of themselves. If you are a photographer, join a Project like The Gold Hope Project and leave these families with something tangible for them to hold on to on the days and nights when their forever is gone.
If there was ever a reason to do something....anything...it's Jordan. I may not have got to know you, Jordan, but you've made an indention on my heart, on my soul. From the depths of my soul I am SO incredibly sorry for your suffering and that you won't get your forever.
Here is Jordan..... TEAM JORDAN
until we click again
~Alisha
Sometimes in this world there are things that happen to you, that you witness that stain your soul. Not only am I a Photographer, I am an RN. One day I walked into a patients room and on the wall were about 15 snapshots from various trips, backyard cookouts, and one Studio image from what looked to be Cruise ship. As I looked over the images I saw a very happy man and woman and it brought a smile to my heart, but a tear to my soul because the woman in the image was my patient. Her husband came in and saw me looking at the pictures and he shared something with me, he said that he had tons of friends who were their age, over 40, who had worked all their lives, scrimped, saved for their retirement for the "One Day" trips. He and his wife had decided that when they had the extra money they were going to take trips, they were going to enjoy time together doing the things they enjoyed. He shared each image with me and what they were doing, some amazing memories they had. Then he turned to me knowing his wife would never be able to do those things again, he said, "Alisha, I don't regret, I can honestly say that there isn't a moment I regret with that woman, we have lived." All our friends, if something like this happened to them they would have nothing but banks with money, working nonstop, no vacations, no time together, no stolen moments, and they will have regrets. It stained my soul......
My best friend Andrea was diagnosed and has had to go through Radiation, round after round (nearly a year and a half non-stop) of Chemotherapy. At one point the Oncologist told her to just give up, get her house in order and say her goodbyes....this ABSOLUTELY stained my soul.... She did find a new Oncologist and has since went on to more Chemotherapy and treatments but she has not given up, neither have I.
Introduce a group of Photographers to me on Facebook, F Stop Frenzy, the brain child of Morgan Kervin and Rachel Brenke. In that I met them and also someone who again would stain my soul, Cynthia Dawson. Cynthia's oldest daughter, Ava, was diagnosed and has recently been profoundly effected by DIPG, Diffused Intrinsic Pontine Glimoa (DIPG). This is the rarest but most deadly brain tumor in children. I can't in my mother's heart wrap my mind or soul around sitting and hearing that about one of my children. As an RN I have listened at the bedside as Drs. deliver devastating news, I have comforted the patients and families after the news, but one of my own children, no. My heart and soul aches for Cynthia, for all families facing these devastating diseases.
Morgan came across one day, as she has had her own soul staining moment, and said that she was starting a Project, The Gold Hope Project, Photographers using their gift to reach out to children and families effected by childhood Cancers. This spoke to my soul and I immediately wanted to be part of this in any aspect I could.
We are gifting GOLD HOPE SESSIONS to families/children effected by childhood Cancers, we are Photographers from all over the world reaching out to those who are Amazing Fighters and families. I feel incredibly blessed to be part of this amazing group of Photographers and seeing Morgan's dream come alive. An amazing woman, and amazing Project!
If you or a family you know is effected by Childhood Cancer, send them to The Gold Hope Project Facebook or Website and have them Sign up so we can get tangible memories into their hands and make them feel as special as they make those around them feel!
Until we Click Again,
~Alisha
It's 6:30 am on a Saturday morning, but this isn't just any Saturday, it's one for celebrating, a great day to Paint the Park Pink! And we are given this beautiful Pink Sunrise to get the day started.
I wasn't sure what to expect of the day, I have seen two sides of this wonder. I am what is defined as a Co-Survivor to my very best friend, Andrea, and on the other as an RN knowing medically what these women and men go through during their treatments. But due to Andrea's distance from me, she lives in England, I haven't been afforded the opportunity yet to truly celebrate with her. As an RN I only see the hard times, the sick times, so celebrating this is something I have yet to experience. Was I ever in for things I didn't expect, gifts to me that I surely wasn't expecting and definitely will treasure for a lifetime.
Breakfast has a whole new meaning, before it was toasting some bread, cooking an egg. No, this breakfast was quite different, quite profound. 82 women, 2 male survivors and their co-survivors arrived, anxiously awaiting outside to get inside this room set up to celebrate them, those before them, those who will still face this journey.
It was a morning of celebrating, happy tears, and a sea of SMILES!!! These women, their families have just and even if not in the last year, have suffered such devastating events that time will not take away the memories of, but yet, here they are, each of them celebrating and embracing one another's victories.
I have to say I was in tears more than any person in the room I think, as foreseen by the unfortunate blurry images I twiddled through. My tears weren't for feeling sorry for them, none of them want pity, they are entirely too strong for pity~! My tears were for my friend and wishing, waiting for our celebration of her victory and for just being in the presence of so MANY strong and amazing people, fighters in the truest and most raw form. People who are stripped of everything that the disease tries to strip them of, taken down to places no one should have to go, but they fought/fight, they stand tall and in the face of it all, they celebrate.
We all like to dream of our futures, what we will be doing in a few years, plans for our homes, gardens, our work. We dream of what our kids might be, where their lives will lead them and we pray it is easier than any road we ever took. We think about the next holiday, what meals we would like to have, what kind of cakes, what not to wear because we KNOW we are going to overeat, it's a given with any holiday! The truth, the reality these Survivors, their Co-Survivors realize is it isn't the tomorrow's, the next holidays, the next years, it's the now. It's THIS moment, this one you have to say I love you, to tell someone just how important they are in our lives, to reach out and help even if with kind words that someone who is struggling, fighting to keep it together, to hug our children and hold them close. RIGHT NOW is the time we have to make a difference, I don't mean to put on a cape and turn into Superman, I mean to make an immediate difference in lives around us. No one knows better than a Survivor that it is the NOW that counts.....
Right now, I am telling my best friend that my world is better for having her in it and that I love her and cherish our bond, and that I CANNOT WAIT for our celebration! Right now, I am telling my kids that I am proud of them and how tenacious they are in their own ways. Right now, I am telling my oldest that she is the BEST mom a grandma could ask for. Right now, I am wishing that each of you never has to understand the things these women, men and their families do. RIGHT NOW, I am hoping you take this moment and make it count!
CONGRATULATIONS MY DEAR ONES.....
I HOPE TO SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!
Until We Click Again,
~Alisha
